Breaking Off - The End of the Beginning

Fifteen there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
Fifteen I'm all right with you
Fifteen, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

- 100 Years, Five For Fighting

Last night I pulled an all-nighter downstairs to finish a video.

So there aren't any real pictures here today. Also my camera batteries died.

By midday, having slept from 6.30-11am, and having not showered at all, I was frustrated, in despair, and having the activity levels of a potted plant. The above picture shows the levels of extreme boredom I faced.

My room yesterday morning. Or my excuse for one, thereof.

We counted down to the new year, and when it was done, everyone got up around me and hugged one another, and it was in that moment that a slow painful thought formed in my head that I wouldn't be having this feeling in a very very long time.

..Now I shall sign off, and hope that the video I put so much heart into produces results.

The year of 2008 flew by most quickly indeed, but I guess that's how everyone feels at the end of the year.

I'll be arsed about prime events when I can be bothered.

Breaking Off will come two hours later because I can't be bothered now.

aiyoh sakinah you ask me do this for what?!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Get into a Shakespearean play. See blood after cutting myself. Throw an open tantrum in school. Get an internship. Go to a formal event without my father as the youngest directly invited guest. Nearly get disowned. Lots of things.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I had none. But I want to finish the Old Testament next year, and I want to be the best in class for English (esp. Drama), and I want to get into at least two theatrical productions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Japan, Malaysia, China.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Flexibility, a higher IQ, more tolerance for the people around me.

7. What exact date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

15 March, utter chaos and pure Midsummer love. 24 June, Farewell party in ELDDS. 4 July, the first time in many years that people thought I was cute. 22 September, I got sabotaged. 11 November, the first time I fondled Cordelia in earnest and played my first tracks on Cosette. 13 December, my love for Orochimaru-sama manifested in its purest form.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Midsummer. No doubt. And after that, resuscitating my Maths.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Absolute refusal of Combined Humanities.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Not that I remember.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Lolita dress. *squee* 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mummy. ^^ 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine, of course.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Anime things. And candy.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
INSERT COSTUME STUNT HERE.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Motteke! Sailor Fuku - Lucky Star (I think, anyway.) 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Happier, definitely.
ii. thinner or fatter?
Fatter T^T needs moar fencing. 
iii. richer or poorer?
richer perhaps. my angpow money has never been touched. ever.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Draw. That which exited my hands just before the O-levels was beautiful, to me at the very least. I wonder if I can still produce such simple beauty. And I wish I'd gone out more after the O-levels. But I'm broke. Oh well, at least I had the Wii.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sleep. But it's a primal need, and I'm afraid of the day my eyes look like Bookman's, and when the bags set in.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
It's six days past, and I spent it in Beijing, which is akin to not spending it at all beyond listening to horrible British-accent music. If the girl singing about how she wants her two front teeth already has them back, tell me so I can knock them out so she actually has a reason to sing that song.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Crush. It's always the crushes and never the loves.

23. How many one-night stands?
I don't have any nightstands.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Kuroshitsuji. Sebastian is a beautiful, beautiful man. And I have dibs on him so don't touch. *stroke stroke fondle fondle* There was also Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei and Nodame Cantabile. Both of which were awesome and extremely funny.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.

26. What was the best book you read?
aiyoh..so many...

* The Pillowman - Martin McDonagh (dark.)
* Nip The Buds, Shoot The Kids - Kenzaburo Oe (way darker)

* The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch

...there's more. But I can't be bothered.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Mitsumune Shinkichi (Do you hear the BGM? That's his work from the Rozen Maiden OST), John Williams (the undisputed king), Michael Jackson (REVIVAL!), Within Temptation (Beautiful. Just beautiful.)

28. What did you want and get?
A Mac, an iPod, a Lolita dress, the opportunity to do Orochimaru, an Orochimaru plush toy, probably the coolest darn internship I could ever ask for,

29. What did you get and not want?
Obligations to study, someone telling me I was irritating (for the next week after that I couldn't do something humans do to a white ceramic bowl properly.)

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
L: Change The World. 

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Almost nothing actually. I got sabotaged, then I got treated to lunch. Besides that it was almost like I was invisible. But it was a war then, and in wars, people get forgotten very easily.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I don't really know. Going to Cosfest with Tereza?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Further induction into Japanese street fashion. Apparently somehow whatever I wore seemed to have some form of cosplay element in it, from my gold-buttoned jacket to my collared shirts. Speaking of which, my personal fashion concept involved a lot of collared shirts. A lot. And soon after, it involved dressing like a butler.

34. What kept you sane?
Drawing. Taking pictures of strange things.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kenichi Matsuyama/Joseph Goebbels/Johnny Depp

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obama. Definitely.

37. Who did you miss?
The opportunity to see Sensei at Cosfest. But daijobu, that won't affect me now ^^.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't knowwwwww.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
...other people have feelings?

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Let it be, let it be,

let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom,

let it be.

From the Beatles song Let It Be. For the times when I did things I couldn't take back, and for the times I made people angry because I was being myself and they couldn't understand, and for all the tests I didn't study for, and for when I couldn't go to church, and for when even when I couldn't go to church my people openly insulted my friends. There's no use being anal about it, because there's really nothing to be done. As the Japanese said, 仕方がない, it can't be helped.

Breaking Off - The First Day

The day the door was closed
The echoes fill your soul
They won't say which way to go
Just trust your heart
To find what you're here for
Open another door
But I'm not sure anymore
It's just so hard

- Scream, Zac Efron, High School Musical 3

The first day. Everything in its place... sort of.

I didn't go out today.

A tag.

Breaking Off is only posted between the hours of 11pm of the day the pictures themselves were taken, and 1am of the next day. But until that sobering moment, I'll do a tag.

#1 The first person who tag in your blog is?
Naomi (other than me.)

#2 Your relationship with him/her?
BFF ^w^

#3 Your impression of him/her?
A bit hiau lah, but she's a very nice person. She's megas obsessed with Rain, and Gackt, and a lot of JRock which I can't be bothered to listen to because I'm living in the world of anime. She's a really serious Christian, and also a super dingdong.

#4 The most memorable thing he/she had done for u?
Bring me to church.

#5 The most memorable thing he/she said to you?
I know how much we badly want to please the people that we're so close with. Letting them do what they want, say what they want. But in the end you're actually labeled fake.

#6 If he/she become your lover you will
Retch, because we're both girls.

#7 If he/she become you lover, thing he/she has to improve will be
I. AM NOT. A CLOSETED HOMO-WHATEVER.

#8 If he/she become your enemy, you will?
Dibs on Helena. I'm taller ^^. (This refers to the females Helena and Hermia, from A Midsummer Night's Dream by Shakespeare. The men, Lysander and Demetrius, originally both want Hermia, but a brief sprinkling of lovejuice on Lysander, then Demetrius, leaves them both going after Helena instead, which leaves Hermia angry and jealous, while Helena is WTF-ing at the chaos because she believes that they're all fooling around with her. The problem gets solved in the end, they all live happily ever after. Thank you good night.)

#9 If he/she become your enemy, the reason will be?
I don't know. There isn't really a reason for it now, is there?

#10 The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is?
Find Rain and drag him to her. Tell him that this girl seriously needs his attention. NOW NOW NOW. But of course I don't know Rain.

#11 Your overall impression of him/her is?

Is there a right way to go about answering this question? It's like question #3, please Mister Author, find better inspiration for questions.

#12 How you think people around you feel about you?
This person...she's different.

#13 The characteristics that you love about yourself are
My specialisation in independent divergent thinking.

#14 On the the contrary, those you hate about yourself are?
Many things.

#15 The most ideal person you want to be is?
Me, but a genius, and a person with her own, obviously defining style.

#16 For people that care and like you, say smth to them?
"I wish I could return those feelings to you, because I feel unworthy of them, but since I have not the ability to do so... thank you."

#17 Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you. Pass to people with blogs only.

1. sakinah
2. penelope
3. naomi
4. kerryn
5. sha
6. ryan
7. (does not want to implicate her 師承 and so will leave this blank)
8. does not know
9. does not know
10. anyone else who wanna do~

#18 Who is no.6 having relationship with?
I have some idea, but I cannot say it.

#19 Is no.9 a male or female?
sexually ambiguous

#20 If 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
Perhaps. Like the first person who mixed blue and yellow together who called the new colour green, there is only one way to find out.

#21 What is no. 2 studying about?
Greek mythology, choral music, and fantasy in general. FOR NOW.

#22 When was the last time you had a chat with no. 3?
Yesterday

#23 What kind of music band does no. 8 like?
Does not know.

#24 Does no. 1 has any siblings?

Yes.

#25 Will you woo no. 3?
Evidently this meme is not sensitive to what I've written above. I repeat, I am not a closeted homo-whatever!

#26 How abt no. 7?
If I don't know who it is, how can I decide?! And no way in heck will I woo my 師承. That's just wrong, and it breaks all formal borders between those a student and teacher can share.

#27 Is no. 4 single?

She is.

#28 What's the surname of no. 5?

Salim :333333

#29 What's the hobby of no. 10?

There is no way to say.

#30 Does no. 5 and 9 get along well?

I can't say.

#31 Where is no. 2 studying at?

Previously at Cedar Girls' Secondary School, but now that we've graduated, I don't know.

#32 Talk something casually about no. 1

Mrs Jeong XDDDDD

#33 Have you tried developing feelings for no. 6?

Oh, but he isn't mine to develop feelings for, and I don't like being the older woman.

#34 Where does no. 9 lives?

Somewhere in the world.

#35 What colour does no. 4 like?

...blue?

#36 Are no. 5 and 1 best friends?

They probably have never met.

#37 Does no. 1 have any pets?

I imagine she'd like one though.

#38 Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world?

I don't know. But 師承 is rather close, though it's far more refined than that.

#39 What is no. 6 doing now?

Not coming for fencing. That's all I know.

i shall not talk about beijing beyond this paragraph. it was fine, deserted theme parks are scary, pandas were cute, i was consumed by a large underground 77th street, i pushed my way through stringed pearl curtains for the first time in my life and felt majorly rich even though i wasn't exactly, i peed myself by accident but thankfully none of it got on my clothes, i ended up looking extremely wretched upon my return though most of that was reversed in one sitting, the bird's nest and water cube aren't too big a deal really.

*breathes*

Alright, now that's done.

Today I won 4 and lost 2. All we really did today after warmups was free-fence. It was quite fun but very tiring.

VS Jessie: 5-1 (won)

VS Chloe: 5-4 (won directly after winning Jessie)

VS Geng Hao: 3-5 (lost)

VS Daniel: 5-3 (made it back :3333)

VS Jason: 5-4 (right of way.. T^T)

VS Truth: 5-2 (OHYES. Thank you Coach Esther for the lovely little piece of advice ^^.)

*deep long breath*

In three days I shall begin a daily series.

It shall be named... hmm I don't know. I'm stuck between Breaking Off, Breakaway, and anything else the average person throws at me.

All it will mean is that I'll obligate myself to take pictures of the places I go to, as a form of remembering them when I do, indeed, break off from this part of my life.

This is especially so I can remember my room, since I'm expected to move out of it within the next month. It will, I know this, become a place I cannot call "my room" any longer during the process, but I feel I should chart its progress as it slowly transforms from "my room" to "my sister's room".

Imagining the posters coming off my walls is depressing enough. First Mister Yagami, then Luffy, Kureha, Chopper, and the main actors of the Alabasta arc, after that Gaara, Naruto, Sakura, Shikamaru. Enma, Kikuri, Ren, Hone Onna and Wanyuudo, they'll go too, before Ichigo and Rukia. The cast of Chopper Man will enter darkness, then Hoshigaki-san will, and then Light, L, Misa, Ryuk and Rem will leave. And at last, my heavy heart will see the departure of the SOS-dan.

I got most of them at the Parkway Comics Connection. I remember last year when I turned fifteen. I visited the shop and got myself the SOS-dan logbook which I now use as my piano logbook as a birthday present. They asked me if I liked posters, having come there so regularly to look at the posters, and I said yes, upon which they gave me two double-sided MapleStory third-job posters as a birthday present.

The people who did that, I don't see them anymore, nor do I remember how they look. But I remember being so happy, so very happy.

It's going to be hard to say goodbye to this place I know and love.

To not be able to call my room "my room" any longer, that will be hard.

To not be able to intern under Jingna-先生 (sensei, please) any longer, that will be hard.

To not be able to fence under Yilong-教练 any longer, that will be hard.

To not be able to go for service under Pastor How and Fedora more than once in a blue moon, that will be hard.

To not be able to meet Naomi and all my friends from HoGC more than once in a blue moon, that will be hard. Harder still, for there are new ones coming in all the time.

To not be able to see Mum and Dad in the flesh more than once in a blue moon, that will be hard.

To not be able to spaz with Tereza and Prisia and Iman-御娘-様 and the rest of what I used to call The Organisation more than once in a blue moon, that will be hard.

To cast aside my blue and grey uniform for ever, that won't be hard at first, but I will miss it dearly.

The Earth is cold, the fields are bare,
The branches fold against the wind that's everywhere.
The birds move on so they survive,
When snow so deep the bears all sleep to keep themselves alive.
They do what they must for now, and trust in their plan.
If I trust in mine somehow I might find who I am.

But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear,
Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?
How will I know, where do I go from here.

My world has changed, and so have I.
I've learned to choose and even learned to say goodbye,
The path ahead, so hard to see.
It winds and bends, but where it ends all depends on only me.
In my heart I don't feel a part of so much I've known.
Now it seems it's time to start a new life on my own.

But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear.
Which is the voice I was meant to hear.
How will I know, where do I go.
From here.

..

I need to stop emo-ing.

let this be geneva, and not versailles.

I know I'll never be good enough for you, so perhaps you shouldn't be good enough for me.
But your endless desire to be better stops this from happening, and hence there's only one thing that I can do...
and that is to raise the requirements and expectations I have of you, such that you can never achieve them.

Either that, or the problem lies with you.

In which case, it would be nice for you to know that you are about as safe to encounter as a case of hemlock darts fitted in a tennis ball feeder.

I won't say any more.
I won't so much as ask for presents this year.
Bah, Christmas. Humbug.

Recently I started watching the music video to Jyosei Kashimashi Monogatari, the 2004 single by Morning Musume that marked the graduations of Ai Kago and another person I cannot remember.
It's so...cute. ^^ But it's Morning Musume so I guess that's kind of expected. Everyone around me insists that the song is the most damn noisy thing ever and that it's a spastic song that makes no sense. But I don't care.
And now I've learned the dance XDDDDD but I need to perfect it..
I think among all the verses I like Tanaka Reina's the best. (:
If you haven't watched it yet, go, GO. Melt your brains with standard over-the-top Japanese kawaii fare! You only have two weeks left, most of you!

Anyway, to cut to the chase... I'm in Beijing now.
On a computer that's fixed in the room, with one of the worst Internet connections I've had in a long long time. It makes my sister's desktop connection look good. (Yes yes I know, I've come to expect too much from my connection on Cordelia. =.=)
But at least it exists, ohwells.
Beijing is dry. Megas dry. When we left the plane and were standing around just outside the toilets my cousin's lip spontaneously started bleeding. Mine's just a little cracked at the side where no one can see, but still. Agh.
But that's not my main problem.
My main problem is even more stupid.
...
...
...
My hair's very, very, very dusty. It's disgusting, really, it's picking up more dust than my clothes.
Then there're the tangles. ACK. As a certain author said about a boy he met in Patagonia, a look of abstract horror passes over my face every time I brush my hair, especially the tangled parts.
And worst of all, the split ends. Those are probably because of the dryness of Beijing atmosphere, but seriously, they're doing more than Nastia Liukin, Shawn Johnson and Kohei Uchimura, combined.

It's cold, but running around generally solves that. (Which will make my eventual journey up the Great Wall that much more painful, since there obviously isn't much place to run.) The temperature is expected to lower over the next couple of days, something I do not anticipate with any degree of excitement whatsoever.
We're going skiing again. Woe is me. Korea in 2006 was fine because there was a roughly 30-degree inclination. Hakuba, Japan in 2007 was abysmal because the only area we were allowed to ski was this 10ish-degree inclination between two 60ish-degree slopes.
It looked something like this.
\ <---for pro snowboarders
- <---this was where we were allowed to ski.
\<---for pro snowboarders

And I'd forgotten how to stop, and seeing the situation it would've been extremely important, so all I ended up doing after about an hour of failing horribly at skiing was lying in the snow and refusing to move. No one missed me, anyway. Not until about half an hour when they were like "Why isn't she here? Maybe she went to the toilet, oh well." and then they realised I was there.

Hopefully we'll get a 20-degree inclination this time. 30-degree was fine but after the irritation I went through with the only slope we got in Hakuba (Why'd we even go there? Hakuba's supposed to be full of good slopes.) I need something to get back most of (I don't look to get back all of it - part of it's beginner's luck) the self-worth I lost there.
...
I'm rooming with my sister, and our room's large, with a splendid view of... buildings. But a view nonetheless, and a wide window from one end of the room to the other. I sort of know what I want to do tonight with it.
There's a big plasma screen television which I'm not inclined to switch on anytime soon. Mum and Dad's room looks lolita-ish. Lots of white, with rather pretty designs. If I find any Infanta here, I know what I'm going to do.
Till then, I'll bear the cold, and drink the Milo we packed.
This better be worth my lack of Christmas.

ohnoes a generic teenage girl rant

It always has to be about you, isn't it?
Your ideas, your style, mine is always wrong because you were born 1337 and pwns0m3. People other than you in this world exist, and it's partially because of you that I'm on the verge of giving up any hope I have of ever making it big because I'm obligated to live in your shadow, eat in your shadow, breathe in your shadow, sleep in your shadow. I feel, all the time, that I'll never be anything more than Number Two, because of you. And it hurts. But most of the time it feels so correct, I'll never be anything more than Number Two.
You call the shots. You're the dream machine and I'm your hands with which I have to slog it out, get down and dirty. I feel like a worker ant under you, and you're the queen ant. The worker ant does all the work, the queen ant sits in a room doing nothing but make new ants all day. And you know that if I can't do it my way I'd rather not do it at all. But this time I can't. Give me my space, dammit, it has to be my thing. When they said it had to be an original work, they meant it, and it probably means that most of it has to come from MY brain. Not yours. If you want to control it so badly just purchase a fake ID and do it yourself.
I don't want to end up being labelled "trusty sidekick". It's a derogatory term for me. I cannot and will not be subordinate to you forever.
Even Robin grew out of Batman's shadow to form the Teen Titans. One day, I'll have to do that, and it'll be painful. It'll be hard. But it has to be done, because I cannot stay second to you.
I'm young. I'm inexperienced. I want change.
Is that so wrong?
I want a style that is mine.
You want a style that is mine.
Please stop confusing "my style" with "your style done with my hands". I'm doing my best to carve out my style, and I don't want it to be just like yours. I don't care if you don't like it, because out of six billion people in the world there's bound to be at least one who will. And for me to even have one person appreciating my style for being what it is, and for it to not be a mindless clone of anything your greatness has ever imposed (I know you're good, and everyone else does as well. You don't need to emphasise it.) on my person.
If you continue, so help me, I'll really be giving up. If I feel worthless I know it's because I am, and the only way for me to not feel worthless is to do something that'll make me feel like I'm worth more than I am now (a raisin). And if you "help me" or "give me suggestions" and I don't accept them, please understand that it's because I don't want to become a mindless clone of you. I want my self-worth, and I want it from doing my thing.
We look the same. Almost exactly the same.
They call me the female version of you.
Do you honestly think I like that? I don't want to grow up exactly the same as you. I know I'm a selfish person, and I know that I'm too selfish to do all the life-saving that you're doing now. I have more chances of being called "scourge of the earth" than being touted a "hero" as you have. Of course if I follow you completely I'll probably end up a hero as well, Hero Number Two anyway. But I don't really want to be a hero. I want to break free from the requirements of emulating you.
Perhaps great things of the world are out there waiting for me, and it's a good idea for me to go out and get them, but I ultimately want to do things my way. I don't want to win this game if I can't play it my way.

I hope you understand.

Overacting

Today I had my first Big Mac (plain with sauce and cheese because I'm picky that way). It wasn't good. I didn't finish it.
And today after Show Me What You've Got, Naomi told me that she was going to watch Cats.

<>

It took a while to register. But once it did, she dropped on one knee, and her head fell downwards.

Head lowered, she exclaimed "絶望した！！！"　("I'm in despair!!!")

Then for another while, there was nothing as she placed her head on a nearby chair, before a brief shaking was observed in Faith's body.

She smiled.

Darn, she thought, it can't break now! She decided to implement a change of plans.

She started shaking, ostensibly laughing silently to herself.

The laughing got louder, the shaking more vigorous, but she stayed down.

One person laid his or her hand on her shoulder and began to pray for her.

Faith stood up and engaged in full-blown laughter. By now she was arguably delirious, and straitjacket-wielding members of the Institute of Mental Health should have arrived, but they didn't, and the onslaught continued.

Her throat was mildly strained, her diaphragm hurting somewhat, her stomach aching just this little bit. But she continued, in blind hysteria, pointing at Naomi and laughing for all she was worth.

"Fedora, I think there's someone you need to minister to." was heard in the background.

A drop.

Down Faith went.

Deep breathing.

Silence.

Hair down, there she stayed for a brief period, while someone nudged her gently on her shoulder.

< /end overact >

There was the sound of "Hey, don't emo there leh."

No longer interested in continuing the act she'd crafted for the past one or two minutes, she picked up her handphone, the model name of which was appropriately pronounced "razor", rolled up her sleeve, and acted as if she was attempting to cut herself.

The nudging began again, and she looked up. She got up, and with a silly smile on her face, she ended her act. And how good it felt, to finally break it!

But it didn't really mean that she wasn't jealous of Naomi.

Epic.

"Silver's good enough for me." - Nellie Lovett, Sweeney Todd

Today was fun ^^. Perhaps I lost most of my sight, but heck, it was solid fun.
I fought Jie Xi today for fencing, where I beat her 5-4.
It so happens Yi Long 教练 watches Naruto. Shock and disturbance. He always did look the type, but the only way to tell between football fans and anime fans (both victims of deep holes that are nearly impossible to climb out of) is by their dressing (He wears his fencing shirt and his track pants. Way to give clues.) and the way they talk (and I can only differentiate in English).
But @w@ he watches Naruto. And I know this because he managed to identify the first Kage Bunshin shot between me and Mochi as being from Naruto.

Anyway after that I got cleaned up and went back home to change into Orochimaru's inner clothes and his ninja sandals.
^_____^

Contacts are a real bitch. After an hour I concluded clinging on to Tereza was a better idea and so I got out of there.

Then I went to Expo, and got into Orochimaru's outer clothes. Tereza tried to insert my contact lenses into my eye, but it was not to be. Oh well.. :3
After that I took out Mochi (BEGONE MISTER SHARK! MOCHI OWNS MY HEART ^^.), and Iman did my makeup.The pallor was there, but it wasn't at the level of Mister Schiffer yet. Next time then.
After I bought my ticket someone grabbed my shoulders. And it was Ms Siew ^o^ but she was going off T^T
Moments after getting in Tsunade-baachan and I were asked for a picture together. I did a right-handed lunge and reached for her neck. Cameras I couldn't really see started flashing. By about fifteen seconds my legs were trembling, but I stayed down. The sort-of-pain was totally worth it for me ^^.

I saw so many cosplayers today, and they were pwnsome in their own ways...but I was happy with mine. I won't say I was ecstatic - I do hope still that one day I'll live up to the great name of the Orochimaru cosplayer from EOY 2006 - but I'll try harder till I nail it, the way I want to. Death pallor, solid violet and all.

I loved EOY, in ways I cannot describe, and seeing all the cosplayers made me so happy to be one of them and dressing as character I loved.
But I am tired, and I shall sleep now.

Super duper uber psyched!

One more day, eighteen more hours to be anal.
My Spartan army is ready, all of us are raring to go.
But let time stop here, and let time stop now, because I want to pray for the success of tomorrow, and to prance around in my room with my newly-bought stuff some more.
No just kidding.
But I've taken a picture with Mochi already. I think we look cute together ^w^ even though he's him and I'm him and he isn't exactly... yeah.
My ringtone's his theme song, and my message ringtone his fight theme. In the words of Naruto, I'm all fired up and ready to go!

But in his words... All power shall be mine.

I anticipate the next day with greatest of fervour, and pray that my feet heal by then from the obsessive walking I did this morning.

Till then, I'll spar a little with Kusanagi, and then rush off.

Though I think I'll be stressing over my contacts. They're not here yet ><

I've got it.
Now for the final bits, and I'll see the whole Spartan army tomorrow. ^^

ONE MORE DAY.

A door was closed and a window was opened.*

The door then opened once more and the window threatened to close.

But I took a stick and jammed the opening of the window, and now, holding the stick there and walking towards the door, I stand at its threshold.

It's almost done. Everything is falling into place.

And I am happy.

* In The Sound Of Music, it is said that when God closes a door, he opens a window.

AGENDA FOR TOMORROW

1) Get money from Dad.

2) Go to the army surplus shop on Beach Road and buy white cotton gloves. (I'm bringing Mochi,covering my hands in theatre makeup is not worth staining him for.)

3) Go to the meetup.

4) Pay Revive and get costume.

5) Run home and drop it off.

6) Meet Naomi at Toa Payoh

7) Go out with her.

8) Find eyeliner and sponge and makeup removal wipes. (Theatrical makeup is sticky like no other.)

9) Go for meeting.

10) fantastico.

Iman's available so I'm safe ^^.

And I didn't have to go Akatsuki on Orochimaru.

Sadly Mochi's in the wash now, and I have to sleep with Mister Shark, who's small and too darn soft.

I appreciate the services of Mister Shark though; I simply like Mochi's more. ^^

AGH I have to frustrate over work NOW. >

OSU~!

pwnage

and i was on the receiving end.

oh well.

between saying yes (and dying) and saying no (and having truth seriously get in my face for not wanting to fight) it was pretty much a hobson's choice.

At least I had a proper midnight romance.

*   *   *

ADVERTISEMENT (of a product I won't use) PLUG

When he came through the back door, the kitchen was quiet and empty. He thought maybe she wasn’t home. But he found her, sitting at the dining room table, in silence. A cigarette burned in the ashtray next to her, sending grey curls of smoke up toward the ceiling. At first, she didn’t even look at him. Then: “You’re back.”
“I’m back,” he sighed.
“Did you forget something?”
“No. I’m coming home.”
She stared into his eyes. “I don’t know why. We’ve said all we have to say. You know how I feel. I know how you feel. Unless you’ve changed your mind about buying that new PC.”
“I haven’t. But-”
“But nothing. You know I think we should buy a Blu-Ray player instead. That hasn’t changed. It won’t change.”
“I know.”
She looked away. “So what are you doing here?”
“We… we can have both.”
“We’ve already discussed this. We don’t have the money to buy a computer and a Blu-Ray player.”
“What if they’re the same thing?”
Her eyes locked on his. “If you’re playing with me, I swear to God – if this is a joke…”
“It’s not a joke. The HP Pavilion S3430F is not a joke. It’s real. The Phenom-9100 1.8Ghz processor, the TV tuner card, the 500GB hard drive, and yes, the Blu-Ray drive – all real.”
“So… we can have it all?”
“Yes.”
“Everything?”
“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
She was up, going to him, finding the space between his arms.
“Let’s never fight again,” she sobbed. “Never let me go.”
“I won’t,” he assured her. “I won’t.” As they entwined in the darkening dining room, their bodies fitting together in all the familiar ways, just one thought distracted him: Now I just have to make sure she never finds out I’ve been sleeping with her sister.

*   *   *

今天我也發覺到能在自己的 MacBook 上寫華語， 以後可能會對我有所幫助吧。。。

說的也是，我覺得自己比較喜歡使用繁體字，因為我覺得比較美。 ^^

*   *   *

THREE DAYS AND I'M NOT PREPARED. Watch me fly. XD

progress (or lack thereof)

Now, if only I could get exactly the same straightness for Saturday morning, increase the deathly pallor and add the reptilian eyes he has.

And of course, the clothes shall be needed muchly.

FIVE MORE DAYS and I'm not prepared.

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of God that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others.’

- Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

If anyone were ever to tell me this, ...

internship

I *heart*s it.

It's this occasionally awkward but fun little adventure...

Jingna looks really pretty when she's taking her self-portraits. And I never knew lighting could do *that* much..

But she's not in town so my adventure's gotta wait till January to continue. Hmm hmm.

Meanwhile I shall hold my little Mochi dear, and work my way towards making a proper shadow clone of him...

I have a week. AGH.

So I shall break out in informal musical number now because of the desperation of my situation, which I haven't really bothered to notice till now.

"Now give me money (that's what I want)

That's what I want (that's what I want)

That's what I wa-a-ant, yea-yea-yeah,

That's what I want."

Speaking of musical numbers I broke into one when I was dropped off ytd. Namely So Long, Farewell. XD

It's starting.

Something beautiful is beginning.

Something that will probably turn my life for the next month upside down and inside out.

And during this period I shall live on $500.

*sigh*

But it's alright. I'll face it with all I have, and it shall make me happy for this one month.

I found my Chuunin gloves, and I found my black ballet flats from since time immemorial, which miraculously still fit on my feet.

And today I'm gonna graduate from the Singapore Media Academy's Television Acting Course (Teenagers).

In Gothic Lolita no less ^^.

But really what I hope for my graduation is that it doesn't lead me to something that doesn't lead me anywhere. I don't want my graduation to unfold into a dead-end thing. I want to use it as a checkpoint, and after that from there I want to jump into this crazy world of acting.

But if, *If*, I had my way, I'd start and end in theatre, and everything else would revolve around it.

Then again we'll see what happens.

Let's roll (:

These past few days - BAD

SATURDAY

Truth asked for another battle with me, and thrashed me 2-5 and left a bruise on my leg. It's still here. And crikey, it's huge! Mum didn't know about it till Wednesday though, because here's a fact of life: bruises go away.

SUNDAY

I overslept and missed the service in which my church pastor was ordained as a reverend. T^T

MONDAY

My digestive system got way out of whack.

TUESDAY

Truth started spasming in his sleep and yelling in his sleep. Apparently his frequent leg cramps acted up. I thought he was dreaming and so left him alone. But he wouldn't stop, and eventually the folks came in and yelled at me for not calling for them when he started spasming. I said I thought he was dreaming and Dad asked, "If you see a dying man in the street, will you stay there and not help?" (My answer would be "yes" but that had no link at all to my brother spasming in pain anyway.) Which got me extremely angry. If anything happens usually somehow they can link it back to me. If I'd called them, and nothing happened, I'd bet my allowance for the next year they'd scold me for wasting their time.

WEDNESDAY

Most boring lesson. Is all.

These couple days - GOOD

These days have been fraught with extremes. I don't want to put them together and dilute my feelings.

SATURDAY

My battle with Chloe yielded a 5-3.

We celebrated Ivan's birthday in church as a zone.

At long last all Naruto characters were unlocked on Naruto: Gekitou Ninja Taisen.

SUNDAY

I went to AFA. ^^

I saw lots of cosplayers, and there was a kawaii short Byakuya.

I met Prisia and Yi Hui.

Earth returned from Taiwan and gave me an Ishida figurine.

MONDAY

My classes at the Singapore Media Academy started for acting. It was a slow start, but my abilities grew and grew and they eventually got to a working level that I had before leaving ELDDS.

Something beautiful happened. And it could only be made better by the fact that iTunes started playing We Are The Champions by Queen.

TUESDAY

The teacher at the Singapore Media Academy said I was very detailed. First compliment I got of the sort. But then again it seems I get comments that really don't seem to suit my person every time I attempt to act. (I remember the Sec 2s wrote, in their letter to me, that I was really serious when acting.)

I nearly cried at The Sound Of Music. Not Julie Andrews mind you. We're talking about the school musical of Saint Joseph's Institution (International). Awkward. Even more so when I look at the flubs during the musical itself. (At the Salzburg Music Festival a Nazi soldier attempted to unfurl a Nazi banner with one clean stroke. The whole thing came crashing down.)

WEDNESDAY

I finally got a script ^^.

let it be,

let it be,

let it be, let it be,

whisper words of wisdom,

let it be.

today i overslept by an hour and missed the service in which my pastor was ordained as a reverend.

...

lord, if all the world's a stage, and every man and woman a player, i pray that i don't stay a calefare forever.

The post about the Cedar Musical that's actually about my clothes.

Today was the Cedar Musical.

All I can say about it is... it was only too obvious that it was a Mr Sng production. Everything exuded that Mr Sng... atmosphere. Air. Thing.

Was very pretty.

I overdressed.

And washed my hair twice that day so it was excruciatingly straight. Conditioned x2

I followed the Kuroshitsuji Layer Code, and dressed in a white collared shirt, a black tie, a black vest, a jacket, and an overcoat. I wished I had the perfect white gloves, but I guess another day, another pair.

If I had a gold/silver timepiece that would've been pretty too. A chain may have been a nice touch too, but never mind. ^^

Black boots, black worker's slacks. Officially overdressed and smexy.

Miraculously despite the five layers (I'm a girl after all.) I didn't feel hot. I didn't feel anything when I slung my bag on my shoulder even.

Everyone was like @w@, and I guess for me this is a sort of redemption for what I did in July. Lolitaness can be countered with Butler after all. Although I personally like Kodona, I have neither the top hat, nor the vest, nor the breeches to back it up.

I'm still in my clothes. I don't want to go through the trouble of pulling it all off...

But I have fencing tomorrow.

Decisions, decisions.

ZOMG.

People more free than me exist!

Last night I sent the story about the bicycle owner to STOMP.sg

And now it's on Top 8.

Weirdoes... nearly 7000 views already.

The story is here.

retardyay!

I saw this outside my grandmother's house yesterday. It was written by a guy whose bike had been stolen. Twice.

Apparently he was so frustrated he wrote this and taped it outside his house.

This is the cutest don't-take-my-stuff letter I've ever seen. It's better than anything I could've done on my angriest day.

To the guy who had the guts to write this:

Kudos to you. But I don't think it'll get you anywhere.

A Naruto rant.

Yesterday or the day before for a little bit I spent time in my room in Orochimaru-mode. (Sunday Monday)

It was a passive thing, but it happened nonetheless. It was mildly scary the speed at which it came, but I was sort of happy it did.

I ended up reacquainting myself with Michael Jackson and downloading the following tracks...

Bad

Black or White

Childhood

Thriller

Scream

Somebody's Watching Me

Beat It

Billie Jean

..I like Black or White. Just because.

I love Billie Jean, but I cannot dance it for the life of me. I need someone to teach me. ><

The newest addition was Childhood by Michael Jackson. It took the longest, and for long agonizing periods of time it would stagnate. But eventually it finished. And it was totally worth it.

I (in Orochimaru mode) nearly cried listening to it. The lyrics were so sad. They were so beautiful. And they felt so relevant to Orochimaru that I couldn't help myself.

People say I'm not okay 

'cos I love such elementary things. 
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the childhood I've never known.

If only the Naruto fans could see. Especially the Sasuke fans. Orochimaru had a human side as well. He wasn't all bad, and he didn't have no redeeming features.

I am not an animal!

I am a human being!

I... am...a man!

(The Elephant Man, 1980 film. Or in my opinion, what Orochimaru should tell everyone.)

The formal end of Orochimaru as we knew it, a part of Orochimaru's past was shown. Young Orochimaru was at his parents' graves, where he had found a white snake skin. Along came Sarutobi-sensei, who explained to Orochimaru that the skin was a sign of rebirth, and perhaps that meant that Orochimaru's parents had been born again.

Orochimaru didn't spontaneously begin his journey to find out how to live forever for nothing. Apart from his thirst to learn all the ninja arts of the world, which would, evidently, take more than one lifetime, Orochimaru desired to find his parents.

It wasn't his fault.

SARUTOBI DID IT.

And because Sarutobi impressed on young Orochimaru the notion that, perhaps, rebirth was possible, Orochimaru's desire to reunite with his parents caused his ruthless search for the way to live forever.

And perhaps, when he did find the solution, he would give it to his parents as well, so they would be eternally bonded, never to part.

When you're a kid, and you get told something by someone you trust, until you see actual results which prove otherwise, you usually don't stop believing in it. Young Gaara and Yashamaru, from the same series, provide a suitable parallel to the relationship between Young Orochimaru and Sarutobi in the matter.

Orochimaru, admittedly, was a selfish man. A very selfish man for that matter, that he was not beneath treating the pursuit of his dreams as a game of chess, in which 'pieces had to be sacrificed' for the greater good. He would kidnap civilian ninjas for the sole purpose of experimenting on them to tinker on their inner workings, for better or for worse. His injection of the DNA of a wood-style ninja art user into sixty young ninjas resulted in the deaths of all but one, but of the students and experimental subjects he left behind, the survivors gained powers beyond reason. Some, like Kimimaro and Sasuke, were able to take their powers to the next level and become more powerful ninjas, while others gained new abilities, such as Suigetsu and Yamato.

What he had going for him in his ruthlessness was that he never gave up in that which he wanted to pursue. He spent years trying to perfect the way to eternal life, and no matter how much time (and hapless people) he had to spend, he did it anyway, and he never had a moment in which he thought to himself, "Screw this, my parents are dead, why should I bother?". He displayed great enthusiasm in procuring new citizens (pawns) during the creation of the Sound village, and offered just enough to tip the down-and-out over to his side. He took great pains to train his proteges.

In the end, though, his selfishness was a reason for his fall. He trained Sasuke so as to take on Sasuke's body, and when the time came and Sasuke retaliated, Orochimaru could not bring himself to kill the person who should have been his future soul container. It was this hesitation because of his desire to pursue what he wanted that caused him to fall, as Sasuke had no reservations towards Orochimaru, and swiftly did him in.

...I'm done.

TWENTY-THREE DAYS TO CHIONG IT. (Or less.)

The post with nothing but good news

I'm so happy to have a post like this.

On Friday I had my first CG in a long long long time and I got introduced to all the new people at B40. And I met... a couple of other people ^^.

One of the people in B40 was my ex-classmate's sister. ^___^

On Saturday I beat my brother in fencing 5-2, the first time I'd beaten my brother/a boy in six months. I also had my first service, which was very enjoyable.

Today I began my Great Wii adventure, and while I'm not too good with Naruto: Clash of Ninja just yet, I'm catching up, and I've made quite a bit of progress with Jiraiya. At about eight (it's almost ten) Truth and I (he's much nicer when he isn't picking fights) managed to unlock Orochimaru. He gets chakra really quickly, and his special attack's really useful, and does quite a decent amount of damage while completely draining the victim of chakra. I can't wait to play him IRL ^^!

I'm getting Bleach: Shattered Blade tomorrow.

My O-levels are over, and I can do whatever I want.

This is the shiniest post on this blog. ^_______^

One. Think of 15 interesting things about yourself, they've gotta be true. Two. Think of 5 false things about yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of believability. Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order. Four. Post them and let people guess which the five false ones are! Five. Get 5 others to do the same.

ONE I don't actually want to enter theatre when I grow up. Visual art sounds better for me.

TWO I joined at least three tall people's associations on Facebook

THREE Part of me wants to join the cheerleading squad next year

FOUR I don't like poetry that doesn't rhyme

FIVE I can sleep listening to death metal

SIX I once loved Barney

SEVEN I grew up not formally knowing Sesame Street until I was about six

EIGHT I fail at DDR

NINE I don't get experimental theatre

TEN All the schools I've been to treat English Drama as a second-class CCA

ELEVEN I used to do ballet

TWELVE I love LazyTown

THIRTEEN  I'm 175cm tall

FOURTEEN Once I vowed never to wear skirts or dresses outside of school obligations ever again

FIFTEEN I have tried to kill myself before

SIXTEEN I owe Tereza a moral debt

SEVENTEEN I love Kenichi Matsuyama

EIGHTEEN I have gotten an SS in Para Para Paradise before

NINETEEN I first cosplayed in school

TWENTY I've dated a guy

THE ANSWERS ARE in white for the cheaters.

ONE

FIVE

THIRTEEN

FIFTEEN

TWENTY

And I pick..

Naomi, Sakinah, Penelope, and the other two can choose ^_^

Today is Play Mac Till Eyes Bleed day. ^______^

Drama Day went really really really well.

Better, actually, than expected.

I watched High School Musical 3 with Fe. And I LOVED IT, and now I want a big pink glittery sign saying FAITH SIM IN EVERYTHING.

***********        ****         ****   ************   ****        ****

*                  *      *       *        *    *   *                    *   *    *        *    *

*       ******     *    *    *       *    *   ****      *****   *    *        *    *

*       ****       *    **     *      *    *         *      *           *    ******    *

*             *     *                *     *    *         *      *           *    ******    *

*       ****   *      ***       *    *    *         *      *           *    *        *    *

*       *       *      *      *      *   *    *         *      *           *    *        *    *

*****       *****        *****  ****         *****           ****        ****

...but I'm lazy. XDD And I figured I liked Orochimaru-purple better ^_^

I'd get the DVD, except the darn Troy-Gabriella moments are irritating.

I liked I Want It All,A Night To Remember, and The Boys Are Back.

Scream's also quite good, next to Walk Away (the characteristic Troy epiphany and the sad Gabriella leaving Troy song).

Then I had a Hershey's Sundae Pie before going to church. At last. ^___________^

The rule was that after the O-levels I could go to church. So I used it.

Everyone was @w@ing when I took out my Macbook. But it got kind of awkward when I didn't know how to connect the adapter (so it *was* a strength thing!). But Christian helped ^_^ and I could access wireless internet in church ^^.

I met lots of people, few of which I remembered. But Ivan was there, and so was Samantha. ^^ And I met Sylvia too (:

After that I met Naomi and we had dinner at my place. 

Then we went to watch Avenue Q.

The voices took getting used to, for a person who listened to the original Broadway cast since the beginning of her introduction to the world of Avenue Q.

But once that was done, I couldn't stop lip-synching. I knew all the lyrics, because I remember singing them compulsively when I was in Sec 2.

Lucy the Slut was more than I asked for. That was a really fiercely sexy voice.

But I loved Rod the most. I have no idea why.

...I couldn't get used to Christmas Eve.

But that was one good Gary Coleman right there.

:3

I loved Avenue Q. If you can catch it, anywhere at all, DO IT.

And now I shall return into my cosy little world of Cordelia, Cosette and Persephone.

so many ways to say it.

THE WAR IS OVER!

I have run the race, fought the good fight, and kept the faith.

YATTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was written on my shiny new 13-inch Macbook.

Yes it's all mine now ^_____^

so many ways to say it.

THE WAR IS OVER!

I have run the race, fought the good fight, and kept the faith.

YATTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was written on my shiny new 13-inch Macbook.

Yes it's all mine now ^_____^

I don't even want to think about what happened this afternoon.
And now they all think that it's alright that he did that and that I saw it coming. They won't talk about it, they won't scold him.

I'm overreacting. I'm overreacting. I'm overreacting.
I'm only overreacting. I'm only overreacting by running away from him whenever I see him.

I'll try to tell myself he's not going to beat me up again.
He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.He's not going to beat me up again.

I just have to be a good little girl.
I was a bad girl.
I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.I am a bad girl.

I'm a drama queen and I don't deserve to live in this house.

Sometimes I wonder if it warrants the punishment I got from him, what I did.

Bringing ramen into the computer room because your legs still hurt from training is a capital sin.
Bringing ramen into the computer room because your legs still hurt from training is a capital sin.
Bringing ramen into the computer room because your legs still hurt from training is a capital sin.
Bringing ramen into the computer room because your legs still hurt from training is a capital sin.

Running away and slamming the door in your brother's face can justify assault on your person.
Running away and slamming the door in your brother's face can justify assault on your person.
Running away and slamming the door in your brother's face can justify assault on your person.
Running away and slamming the door in your brother's face can justify assault on your person.
Running away and slamming the door in your brother's face can justify assault on your person.

And then I wonder if my reaction was justified.

Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.
Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.
Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.
Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.
Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.
Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.
Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.
Crying in your room for an hour straight because your brother hit you liberally for bringing ramen into the computer room means you're a drama queen and no one should take you seriously.

I hate this day. I'm so tired I want to sleep, but my legs hurt too much, as do my shoulders, for me to drag myself upstairs.

I'd wanted to spend the rest of the day upstairs without lunch or dinner, but my sister came and coaxed me downstairs. I'm still scared though, and I don't want to talk to my brother. I don't want to so much as look him in the eye. The less contact I have with him, the less chances I have of getting beaten up by him for the smallest things I do. (If I can get beaten for waking up late, for eating well-done sirloin steak that was meant to be his without my knowing it, for reading his books, and for playing his computer, I might as well stay far far away from him.)

I'll be happy to be away from him next year. Not so happy to be away from my sister.

kami-sama...
mein gott..
scheisse. ><


Yesterday was a long long long long fencing day.
It began with my losing to Daniel 3-5. But in any case the record still stands that I haven't beaten a guy in about five months.

Anyway moving on, we were late for Nam Hyun Hee's motivational talk (mostly in Korean but with a translator) by about half an hour. All because there was an accident (a taxi dented a BMW so lightly I couldn't see the damage at all) nearby, and people were stopping to look. The guy in the car beside us, who was overtaking us, drove really slowly to look at the carnage (none to speak of) and started clapping.

Never mind.

I don't remember much of the talk.
My brother and I then had four hours to do absolutely nothing before fencing clinic.
We raced to Novena, we ran back, we went to Popular, met Ryan, walked around aimlessly, went to Toys R Us, went to Tenchi, and basically lounged around doing absolutely nothing.

My brother got me One Piece Tankoubon 51 though, for which I'm happy ^^.

We ended up sitting in our fencing school doing absolutely nothing at about five-thirty, where the fencing teachers offered to transfer us from the 8pm class to the 6pm class. And we accepted.

The thing about Nam Hyun Hee is that... well, I'd imagined her taller, and much scarier. She's about as tall as my shoulder, and quite so very adorable ^____________^
And she had her hair in a half-ponytail, which generally doesn't add points on scariness, and she was wearing these glittery heart earrings in the perfect shade of pink.
BUT that's beside the point.

Damn, she lunges really far, and really low, and really fast.
We tried lunging to her level, but we couldn't get the speed or the distance.
She stayed in that position for about half a minute to a minute. I fell over ><
Later I could, but my legs threatened to fall off (they still are threatening at this point).
Korean people are generally smaller, so what they don't have in arm length (totally my thing) and height, they make up for with insane speed and leg power. And she has it.

And now everything from the waist down on my side hurts like crazy. Even sitting L-style drives me nuts.

After fencing clinic we went to eat at Swensen's. We had deep-fried mushrooms, my brother had a Mega Burger and I had a Spaghetti Bolognaise.
After eating about two-thirds of his burger he stopped and looked at the patty. It was reddish-pink inside, and he didn't feel good about it. He never feels good about uncooked meat, it's why he doesn't take steak, even if it's medium-well. (Once he got really mad at me because I'd taken his well-done sirloin steak and he'd taken my medium-well sirloin steak, even though we couldn't really tell the difference.)
He said, "WHY IS THE PATTY UNCOOKED?!?!?!"
"It's always that way with hamburger patties. Even the hamburger steak I ordered in Odaiba wasn't fully cooked."
"..."
"If it makes you feel any better, hamburger patties are made of minced beef, which can be from about a thousand different cows."
"...THAT DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER!" And he put it down and refused to eat the rest of it.
For dessert he had a scoop of Sticky Chewy Chocolate ice cream (not sticky, not chewy, not my thing) and I had a Frosted Chocolate Malt sundae. The sundae was huge. HUGE. Like huge goblet huge. And it had Chocolate Malt ice cream (IMO the best flavour in the Swensen's repertoire since their Cookies and Cream and their Butterscotch have failed me) with whipped cream and a chocolate-dipped wafer and lots and lots and lots of Maltesers. I couldn't have asked for more. I remember also, saying that if I got a sore throat, it'd be totally worth it. (I had one when I got up. But at this point, no.)

But now I'm confused. Is it riposte (ree-post) or riposte (ree-po-stay)?
...
oh well. Time to enjoy the last day of relaxation before the last day of studying, before the last day of exams, before HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 and AVENUE Q ^^.

quizzes.

was bored..

You Are Smores

Unusual and unconventional, you make your strange ways work for you. You've got personality - no one's denying that!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

There Are 0 Gaps in Your Knowledge

Where you have gaps in your knowledge: No Gaps! Where you don't have gaps in your knowledge: Philosophy Religion Economics Literature History Science Art

Do You Have Gaps in Your Knowledge?

There's a 52% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens

Maybe you've really been abducted by aliens... but probably not. Let's face it. You're just a little weirder than most people.

What Are the Chances that You've Been Abducted by Aliens?

The Castle Personality Test

You have no problem diving into new experiences. You're so brave that you don't even notice how courageous you are. You like to think that people see you as dramatic and fascinating. You do your best to seem mysterious. You are a very romantic person. You can't help but see the world as it should be. Right now, you feel like the whole world is open to you. You see lots of possibilities. Overall, your life is dramatic and unpredictable. You life in interesting times. You feel like the fate of the future partially rests in your hands. You believe you need to help make the world a better place.

The Castle Personality Test

You Are Reverse Pocky

Your attitude: rebellious and clever Non-conformist, but curiously a trendsetter With you, up is down... and it's a wild ride!

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

You Are a Goth!

You're so gothically outrageous, and you aren't afraid to flaunt it. Whether you dress up like Robert Smith or a tragic Little Bo Peep, chances are that you'll be parading around with the rest of the goths at Yoyogi Park on Sunday. Don't forget your white makeup and blue lipstick! Who knows? You may just get picked up by one of the seedy photographers.

What's Your Japanese Subculture?

What Your Cute Monster Says About You

You're the type of person who stands out in a crowd, even when you're trying to blend in. You are honest in your character and appearance. You don't pretend to be someone else. Your inner demon is sorrow. You tend to get depressed easily. People think you're cute because you're rebellious. Your uniqueness is charming.

The Cute Monster Test

What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You

You are unique, creative, and fascinating. You don't do what's expected of you. You go for what's unknown and uncharted. You are emotionally expressive and sensitive. You're effected by everything around you. Your friends appreciate your open heart, but they are afraid of hurting your feelings. You love new adventures and activities. You enjoy living a full life, even if it is chaotic. You feel lost when things are quiet. You rather not think... you prefer to just do!

The Chocolate Oracle

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are intense and rebellious. You are intelligent... but in a very unconventional way. You are curious about the world. You love doing something new. In fact, you enjoy taking risks and doing things most people would shy away from. You are very physical. It's likely that you're athletic, but not into team sports. You have the soul of an artist. Beauty and harmony are important to you.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

You Are Stalking

You tend to be very obsessive. Once you focus your attention on something or someone, it's all you think about. You are also very secretive. People don't know much about the life that you lead. You are attracted to weak people. You may want to prey on them, but you also may just want to help them. You need attention, and you can get desperate if you aren't getting attention from the right person. You'll do about anything to get noticed.

What Felony Are You?

What Your Playing Cards Tell About Your Future

Right now is a time of warning and caution for you. Your emotions are currently tied to a specific wish. If you can get rid of a few obstacles in your life, this wish will come true. Your closest friend is a true partner. Consider living with or starting a business with this friend. The near future will bring you major disputes and arguments. Things could end in a lawsuit, a separation, or divorce. Beware of some very bad news. This may mean the loss of someone close - or the loss of a close relationship.

The Playing Card Test

NB: wish = Orochimaru cosplay, partner = Naomi, separation = College.

What Your Little Black Dress Says About You

You are lively and outgoing. You are naturally friendly. You enjoy meeting new people and making new connections. Your style is whimsical and unique. You're good at putting together interesting outfits. If you were a shoe, you would be: High heeled boots

The Little Black Dress Test