Saturday, October 4, 2008

sotsugyou - a memory

last saturday i graduated.
it seemed only yesterday that i stepped in, fresh out from the hellhole which had incarcerated me six years before four years ago.
it seemed only yesterday that i smiled and nodded to my mother and said yes, this is it, this is where i want to go.
it seemed only yesterday, that i heard a cute girl sing to us about her having J-O-Y that was down in her heart, deep deep down in her heart, to entertain us during orientation.
only yesterday, that i directed a lost bespectacled girl to computer lab 3 for auditions, because I was going there myself.
only yesterday, that i showed off the sheer power of my legs, and hence hit the right side of the back of my head on the ground in a massive, high overshoot.
only yesterday, that after that, to my horror, i'd been accepted into the prestigious track and field team thanks to my little stunt, and i saw prisia laughing at me, pointing at me, and running a finger over her neck.
that i'd successfully appealed, and upon being asked why i joined eldds i threw up the rockstar sign and yelled EL ROCKS!
that i met prisia, tereza, and slowly, all the people in the Organisation, and despite our current disunity i loved it muchly.
that i grew to love where i was, perhaps not on my own, but eventually i did.
that my first experiences as a cosplayer and lolita were in this school, and that i... had fangirls.
thank you, fangirls whom i cannot remember all the names of. it was terribly fun being fangirl'd over. ^^
i haven't changed over the past ten years, so i've been told. my friend from preschool says i haven't changed, and neither has my friend from primary school.
or perhaps, i've come full-circle so many times that it doesn't look like i've changed at all.

I look better now. I feel that way, in any case, I don't care if I've become less cute because I've grown taller (how *can* you tell the difference, I've been tall all my life), because I think I look better. Now refer to Rene Descartes' iconic quote. (I think, therefore I am.)
I obsess madly over Japan now, I think it's safe to say the obsession has consumed my life. (In general Faith's obsessions consume her life. She tried to play badminton on Thursday afternoon only to find that every time she wanted to hit the shuttlecock she would do a fencing lunge.)
I've finally found a sport I actually like.
I've started to believe.
I've become a proponent of "blood before tears".
My artistic skills have improved. My style has deviated from the School of Manga into something I feel is as adorable. Something special.
People now think my art is good. 0_0 (And I have given one person my art. I am a happy girl ^^.)
My purpose as of now, I feel, is to pursue that which is beautiful.

I *have* changed. I know I have. But in my change I think I will remain forevermore...
- a slacker.
- a part-time-asshole
- a proponent of camp
- a user of the Law of Probability, among other things.

But ah well.
Last Saturday I braced myself for the worst emotional moment in my sixteen years, because Cedar was a hundred times better than Kong Hwa was, on any day.
And it never came.
But I shall be remembered forevermore as Emergency Tissue Paper Supplier.
Perhaps.
XDDDD
Two full packets, and none of the tissues went to me.
Shafika The Genius was sick. Good cover.
But it didn't get really really really sad for me till Ms Lizah showed us a Powerpoint presentation she made of the class, with pictures from 2007-2008. I thought that was really sweet.
And then I gave in. (But it was in the darkness of the computer lab, and for a brief three seconds or so, so no one saw. And no one really reads this so I kind of got away with it XDDDD)
It felt good, though, in some obscure pain-is-pleasure-and-pleasure-is-pain sort of way.
So yes. I'm out. I'm officially on my way to becoming an old fuddy duddy, not that I wasn't one before graduating, or any other time thereof, because there'll always be people younger than me ^^.

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