there's no escape now

no mercy no more

in this farewell

there's no blood

there's no alibi

-

i feel like i'm not in my body,

like i'm watching everything from the sidelines,

almost like a movie.

tomorrow

doesn't feel

like

it's coming

anytime soon.

i feel like i can stay in this forever.

fencing, church,

my only worries being whether i can complete whatever shishou wants me to, and whether i can complete a 180º.

i don't want this to stop.

but part of me bites at all of me

i need to move on.

but now i only feel drugged.

i could be unconscious and i don't think anyone would notice.

i could be conscious and i don't think anyone would notice.

i feel nothing, if not mildly happy.

it's...chloroform.

hauuuuuuuuun~ (Breaking Off - The Realm Of Dreams)

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you’re far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

- I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith

(No pictures today. Anything worth showing was in the realm of dreams.)

Today I got up late and had a Mega Prosperity Burger. It tasted alright but I got full into the last third of it. 

Then I went home, and Truth got to the Wii first and started playing SSBB. By the tenth match I got extremely tired, so I went over to the couch (my refugee room's neighbour) and fell asleep.

I had a very fulfilling dream, and it was beautiful.

I was at a ski lodge on a storming winter's morning, and at a table I found Kenichi Matsuyama (as L). I was extremely happy to see him, and asked why he was there.

He attempted to explain in English, but eventually he failed.

I asked, "You don't speak English too well, do you?" and he nodded. "I don't speak Japanese too well either."

He smiled.

We had a strange conversation about nothing, which ended when my sister came to ask for his autograph.

Then I woke up.

Oh well.

Breaking Off -Talking About It

Each time you smile
It'll only last a while
Life may be scary
But it's only temporary

- For Now, Avenue Q

There are no pictures today, because where I went, there was either no time for me to take pictures, or I didn't have anything handy that would have taken a decent picture.

I got up at half past 12 today.

I had lunch and went to church, and after service I was pulled to the painful reality that I had only three and a half weeks left before I was to leave.

"We need to hold a proper farewell for you," said Fedora.

(If that happens I think I'll end up with shinier eyes than all the Sailor Scouts combined.)

After about half the church left and Fedora had gone off to talk to Ivan and another person from B40 (I can't remember who) and Boxue had his back turned, I attempted a gymnastic split. (It's much easier in church on my boots. The floor's smooth, and so are my boots.) This scared Hannah, but oh well. Lynn could, too, but her legs hurt after that. She was from Chinese Dance in primary school. Hmm. (Ten years of drama, and I didn't ever have to do that.)(Come to think of it I have quite a few friends previously from Chinese Dance. Interesting.)

Naomi thinks I'm crazy for doing that in church. (But I thought I was crazy before. ><)

I had dinner, then I went to pick up stuff from Shishou's assistant's house. It's heavy, but very beautiful, but I won't touch any of it because I have visions in my head that they crumble upon contact.

I can't wait for Shishou to come back ^^. But I still think it'll be hard for me to conclude my internship under her, it's been such a special experience to me.

I already have lyrics in mind for that day, but I don't want it to come any time soon. In Shishou's presence I feel like I can do something. Something good. Something that isn't heroic, but good.

Breaking Off - Forgetting.

What's the worst that I can say
Things are better if I stay
So long, and good night
So long, and good night

- Helena, My Chemical Romance

Marginal improvement. But I have no excuses today.

The pictures are on my phone, the cable of which is not here, so they'll come up later in the morning. *is shot*

fencing

Today I won my two matches 5-4 and 5-3.

The first match was against Chloe, and the second was against the only new guy, Bryan.

It was quite saddening watching him do battle against me actually, but to prevent my ego from growing I shall not talk about it.

I'd still sort of like to shoot him for staying at ~100º when I was at ~175º. I guess it's sort of my fault for taking mine so far (I probably shan't rest until around 210º even though it'll involve many long and painful attempts), but still I want to shoot him. And he's not the only one. I'd also like to shoot Yilong-jiaolian for delaying counting till everyone got to at least ~110º. But that's not his problem, though his counting really slowly is.

...The sooner I get to 180º the happier I'll be. Because I'll have reached the end (reflex angles are major plusses, but generally people stop at 180º) and it'll stop being long and painful then.

Breaking Off - The Beginning For Most

Like a river flowing to the sea,
You’ll be miles away and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
No reason to cry

- Crucify My Love, X Japan

My lateness disturbs and disgusts me.

But that's what you get for having the worst sleep patterns ever.

I woke up this morning feeling extremely hungry. According to Chinese superstition what you do on the first day of the year is what you end up doing for the rest of the year, and it sort of came true today for me.

I was in punk (again). But in the only picture of me you'll see here my jacket's off. Oh well.

I met Tereza at the MRT station, then we met Penelope at Golden Village. Ojou-sama and Prisia came later.

We had time to kill (shifting movie timings and all), so we went to KFC because we wanted to eat. I originally wanted a medium lemonade, but a complaining digestive system made me get...

a popcorn chicken to go with it.

Speaking of which I've heard of this thing called the lemonade diet... but then again what do I care, me on a diet? I wouldn't last five minutes.

Then we went to watch Ponyo. No shiny colour posters because I was in a daze half the day. (Sleeping 2.5 hours. Don't do it.)

After that we went to school.

We met people along the way.

Our juniors, whom we later charged to take care of ELDDS. I'm gonna miss them.. T^T

Then we went to (what was) 4M after catching up with Mr Sng. (Who's as concerned about the direction ELDDS is going as we are. Actually probably more than us, but yeah.)

keheheheh boardspam.

Prisia fell asleep.

...something's in her hair. Hmmmmmmmm. *twiddles thumbs and skips away*

In the distance I saw a place I used to know.

There it is. Zandyland. Or what used to be Zandyland. It's now been given over to the people of 4N, which I feel is the best for it.

I'll remember this store. And I'll remember its signature dish. (When you're the stall selling prepackaged processed food, you need to make a couple of compromises on the signature dish.)

I fell asleep watching Avatar: The Abridged Series when Pris came over. Oh well.

And I'll go to sleep now because I have fencing tomorrow. I really want to know what the new blood's like, quickly figure out their techniques, and pwn them all.

Breaking Off - The Beginning of the End

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will the memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

- Graduation (Friends Forever), Vitamin C

Today I slept at five-thirty, woke up at eleven-thirty, had a long lunch from three to five with many side dishes, slept the evening away. Thus the lateness of the post. Also it seems that the video is not the last of it, but is merely the beginning of my frustrations as my father tries his best to turn me into a hero.

Me, a hero? Feh. I think it's far easier, and more fun, to be the scourge of the earth, but I guess since my father's already a hero, for the sake of heroism, it needs to look like it's heredity. I have better things to do than let this consume my life, and I know it. But he doesn't. And if this is going to take over anything enjoyable I'll do for the rest of my holidays and beyond (I've missed one movie, nearly missed eating anything proper at all today, and everytime Dad sees me tinkering with a computer he comes over and makes me work on the project. He's seeing government grants and charity in all its glittering goodness and I just want to puke.) I will not have it. CIP was mostly torture for me already, and if it repeats itself as a regular fixture in my life then...

"This is my story. It'll go the way I want, or I'll end it here."

- Tidus, Final Fantasy X

But I'll stop now. Pictures.

My room this morning.

Having to learn how to use web templates and watching Nodame Cantabile at the same time is sort of painful, especially with the person who wanted me to learn to use web templates staring over my shoulder. Of course if I had my way (feh - which hero's training lets the trainee have his or her own way) I'd be having a Nodame super-marathon, but no. Not happening.

Dad suggested leaving me at home to finish designing the website, but I would not have it. I missed Seven Pounds just to wait for about ten separate clips to convert themselves from .m2ts to .wmv, if he thought I was going to miss a meal so I could move towards being a hero he was absolutely mad.

So I had my first meal of the year...

You laugh. You laugh, but I could have been eating instant noodles for my first meal of the year. This was undoubtedly a better option. Laugh away.

Naturally the first meal of the first day of the year (my only meal of the first day) should have sides. Many sides. Unfortunately I had to give a section to Earth, and a very small section to Worth.

And another side. Originally I wanted two scoops, but Earth had one scoop of Cookies and Cream, and Worth had one scoop of Vanilla, and I wanted English Toffee and Cookies and Cream (my post-fencing standards are high). Earth started making noise, so oh well. English Toffee.

We went to the hospital to see my grandmother. I thought the sanitiser pump was a tame thing, so I placed both my hands under the nozzle and pushed down on the pump with my arm.

Suffice to say some of it got in my eyes and on my specs. Not good.

Later I had waffles. No pictures there.

After sleeping the evening away I went upstairs to...a major mess.

The day was bound to come, but I didn't think it'd come this soon. Fortunately it's only the lower-deck stuff, and not the middle and upper decks, those would've been hell, and extremely painful to do because of the feelings I have for my middle-deck and middle-upper-deck things.

Especially painful will be...

This is my box of ticket stubs, which I've kept with me since I was eleven. It holds all my memories of most of the places I've been, save for those the tour guides had to keep as proof for their companies.

It'll be hard to find a way to replace it, seeing how it's grown so.

I don't want to clean my room. My friends are cleaning their rooms up for JC/Poly, if I clean my room I'll be cleaning my room off. Already my mother wants me to reorganise my table for my sister, and I'm going to be dreading the day she puts her foot down and makes me do it in front of her.

I want time to stop. But it won't.