I feel pillaged and plundered like a pirate shanty.
But I cannot give up, I will not give up. Mosquitoes may attack, nights may pass, but there are only eleven days left, only four papers left.
1111
and then I'll wake up from the nightmare, and I'll live the dream.

But for now, I'll cuddle Mochi, and we'll sit in bed and learn everything I have to learn together.

I want to restart my dramatic life.
Perhaps not all over again, but I want to start with a new heart. I want to see what I can do, get every chance I get.
I want to spread my wings, wet and shriveled, I imagine, from this incubation period of about three months.
Three months. That's a long time.
It's enough for me to forget all I've ever done.
It's also enough for me to take a break. But why would I, I love drama, it's been here for me, and I've been here for it, for twelve years.
That roughly sums up to 12/16 = 3/4 = 0.75 = 75% of my life.
And I don't want it to stop.
Not in a long long long time.

"It's over," said Ms Leong, "Don't think about it."



Southeast Asian History was pure Perestroika in action. It left me hurting in a left-arm and left-brain cramp.
The formats were all different and strange.
It hurts at this point.

And my recurring thoughts of death...
What's even scarier is that my recurring thoughts of death are not of my death, but of the deaths of people close to me, people important to me, in very real ways.
I won't list them here, they make me feel even worse than I do in the wake of today's perestroika. They'd make the people I imagine feel worse than that, I think.

I need sleep.
As in not a stay-up late and sleep-in for afternoon papers, not a sleep-early-to-wake-up-early, and definitely not a stay-up late and wake-up early. (I had one of the latter today. Even after washing my face with cold water I fell asleep.)
I want to lie in bed and do absolutely nothing, or perhaps read a bit of manga along the way, maybe of Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu or Lucky Star or Azumanga Daioh. Then I want to go downstairs and watch whatever catches my fancy.

Modern World was thankfully easy.

Source-based was about Hitler just like Naomi said, but it was about..."family policies".

No Japan, but thank goodness Plan B worked.

I did Causes of WWII in Europe. 8D

Now to fear Southeast Asian History.

I hear Neodammerung playing in my head now.

Do you know Neodammerung? It's the one in the Matrix Revolutions where Smith meets Neo and he says "Mister Anderson, welcome back. We've missed you." and Neo says "It ends tonight.".

It has a convenient climatic-sounding choir in the background that has a vocal capacity that is higher than mine on a good day, and that makes me jealous.

But that's beside the point.

I hear Neodammerung playing in my head because I know that in less than four hours I'm going to go to the school hall and take History, which is pretty much my most random subject, and the final grade could be anything from a B3 to a D7.

And it's kinda scary, because I really really really want Japan and the War in Asia-Pacific to come out because that's really what I'm best at, and I'm not too good at everything else. ><

Wish me luck.

The days seem to move past me at blinding speed while I trudge by in slow motion.

It was especially scary today. I woke up, and minutes seemed to pass by in... a couple of seconds. I took my usual shower in the morning and ended up taking about half an hour.

All this speed seemed to come back, though, when I took my Maths and A Maths Paper 1s. I finished my papers. Nothing went wrong (aside from one conceptual error and a couple of sign errors in A Maths, and I'm not too sure for Maths because we don't get to bring the papers back).

I just hope I have enough speed for Paper 2 later for A Maths.

COMBINED SCIENCE (PAPER FIVE) - Screwed.

COMBINED SCIENCE (PAPER THREE) - Fairly easy. Might get an A.

ENGLISH (PAPER THREE) - I have no comment. If the invigilators didn't mind my talk about 
Jane Goodall and Gertrude B. Elion, I should ace this.

ENGLISH (PAPER ONE) - Up lorry. Probably. My Section One was disgusting compared to that narrative I wrote about Alphonse and Sebastian.

ENGLISH (PAPER TWO) - I liked this. I think, god forbid, this'll be better than Paper One. Prophetically, I saw a cat run past the hall after the papers were collected.

ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS (PAPER ONE) - Shiny. Seven marks lost, two or three to conceptual errors, the rest were sign errors and other careless casualties.

COMBINED HUMANITIES (PAPER TWO) - Considering the only item on my agenda regarding this subject was to pass it, I think I shall get my wish. This isn't going in my L1R5 if I can help it.

ELEMENTARY MATHEMATICS (PAPER ONE) - We're not allowed to bring the questions home. But it went swimmingly.

projection tiem!

ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS (PAPER TWO) - I've really got to watch for this one. They'll probably try to differentiate the A-students from the B-students with this paper, considering the chicken feet that they gave us for the first paper. And it's got Plane Geometry, which is positively my worstest topic ever.

HISTORY (PAPER ONE) - It's Japan. And if it isn't Japan, ... I'll just go to Plan B. I need to work on the Cold War.

HISTORY (PAPER TWO) - Nationalism. That will be all. *sigh*

ELEMENTARY MATHEMATICS (PAPER TWO) - This will probably be hard as well. Damn trends.

COMBINED SCIENCE (PAPER FOUR) - I cannot predict this. T^T halloween...

One week of silence.

I think it's a good thing.

For with him, all the world, here, is a stage. I feel it. The player in question is no longer someone I wish to meet with on a daily basis, for when he returns from the grand stage of life in the outside world, tired of his showy role and needing of quiet, he retreats to his dressing room. And as such, we, the five dressing room roommates (why does he have roommates) must be silent, and if we cannot do so, we must bask in his glory. For it is no moment that this play can stop. It is no moment that this play will stop. The director never shouts "cut", the scriptwriters never rest, the producers never think enough is enough, the cameras roll on and on, the audience watches on for ever and ever, a wrap party is nowhere in sight. And I am tired. So very very tired.
The perpetually low levels have found a new low. I need silence.
Thank you, Lord, for the silence.